Yongfook is a web producer based in Tokyo

Posted on May 29th, 2008 at 12:52 am

I’m writing this in a Taiwanese taxi on the way to the airport, clenching my buttocks together in anticipation of a head-on crash as my not-atypically batshit crazy Taiwanese taxi driver glides idly and randomly from lane to lane on the highway without so much as moving his head to look let alone putting his indicators on, kissing the tail-light of every vehicle he passes with his headlight in a bizarre, glazed-eyed ritual that would be almost impressive if I weren’t so utterly constipated with fear.

Anyhoo. I book hotels through Expedia.com and although this enables you to make reservations without interacting with a real human being, you’re still subjected to a pretty convincing upselling process involving simple checkboxes and savings highlighted in red, for the dumb and impressionable.

“For an extra $XYZ per night, you can upgrade from plebian class!” the website snorted at me. I clicked, and booked the VIP floor at some Taipei hotel I had never heard of, choosing it over the Grand Hyatt because apparently - I had heard 3rd hand from a friend - it is haunted. I think the Chinese often fleetingly dismiss a large building’s unfamiliarity - or indeed unfamiliar objects in general - by declaring them haunted or bad luck. I’d make fun of them some more if I wasn’t so cripplingly superstitious about everything and anything Chinese folklore-related.

I think I lucked out though. Free booze in the evening at the lounge and a very cool bathroom made the extra dollars per night well worth it.

After only a day there, I think I had Taiwan worked out. It’s a weird sort of purgatory between Japan and China. Shop signs are often in Japanese - shop clerks will even speak to you in Japanese, if they assume you aren’t Taiwanese. The food was a familiar mix of Chinese noodley, dumplingy things with some dishes having a tartness and use of vinegar that I’m more used to tasting in Japan (not to mention Japanese food itself being available at every street corner and under ever department store). The skyline is earthquake-friendly and low-rise, just like Japan - apart from the gigantic Taipei 101 looming in the distance like the Ministry of Truth. I had a good time, but I think I’ll get more out of a holiday in Taiwan by visiting the beautiful countryside regions rather than Taipei. Taipei felt like I had simply taken a trip to a smaller city in Japan. With blind taxi drivers.

On to the food. I did the whole spectrum - from greasy street food to eating at the top of Taipei 101. Here’s what I nommed.

Lurou Fan

This is the Taiwanese equivalent of an onigiri, or chips. It’s that staple that you have on the side of other dishes, never a dish unto itself. It’s kind of like a confit - pork stewed until the fat has pretty much rendered into liquid and the meat melts in your mouth, resulting in a sweet-savoury topping for rice, invariably served with a bright yellow Japanese-style pickle (see what I mean?). I love it.

Din Tai Fung

Din Tai Fung is a Taiwanese institution, famous for their Xiao Long Bao - steamed dumplings with meat and soup inside. Delicious, but I’ve eaten at the same restaurant in Singapore (it’s now a global thing, see) and the food was indistinguishable to my inexperienced, round-eyed devil palate. I went at 11:30am and had to wait 5 minutes for a table. By the time I left at around 12:30, there was already a crowd of about 30 people outside, waiting in line to be seated. Notably, the waitresses here flitted effortlessly between speaking Japanese and Chinese to the patrons.

Papaya Milk

Let this be a lesson to the makers of Carrot Au Lait - vegetables and milk, bad; fruit and milk, good. I like papaya milk approximately 5000% more than I like carrot au lait.

Asparagus Juice

Sadly, Taiwan had to go and bugger it all up with this, a convenience store staple. There’s really no way to describe it other than asparagus, sweetened, and if you’re anything like a normal human being with a sensible grasp of what tastes good and what tastes wrong, so wrong, then you probably won’t like this either. I took two sips of this and the uncontrollable urge to eat bacon forced me drop the carton and raid the hotel lounge.

Pea Crackers

Tastes like sauteed pea shoots with garlic. Crispy and moreish. Thumbs up, Taiwan.

Beef Noodles

A traditional Taiwanese staple. The broth was more beefy than I thought it was going to be, tasting almost like a European bullion than something Chinese (although you get to Chinese-it-up with condiments such as pickled cabbage). I’ve been brought up on the Singapore-style beef noodles which has quite a herbal, peppery taste especially when doused with fresh coriander as they tend to serve it. Taiwanese beef noodles gets a thumbs up, but if I had to choose between the two, the Singaporean version is for teh win.

Crumply Pancake Thing

I’m not sure what these were called, but they are different to the flatter scallion pancake that I know they do in Taiwan. Like Singapore’s roti prata these were a simple fried dough pancake, fluffed up at the end by a liberal double-spatula’d crumpling. I don’t know whether the stall was famous or if they are always like this from any stall, but it was - if I am to compare it to roti prata - one of the most perfect examples of the pancake I’ve ever had. Light, crispy on the outside and not too oily. I would have sold my first born for curry sauce to dip it in but that is for south east asian philistines and this is Taiwan.

Pepper Pork Bun

A peppery (oh, really?) pork mixture surrounded by an oddly european-style crusty bun. 2 of these will send you into a bloated, happy food coma.

TKK

TKK is Taiwan’s KFC equivalent, serving up fried chicken, Chinese-style. This item was one of their popular menu items; glutinous rice wrapped in some kind of skin and then deep fried. So much food packed tightly into such a small container - it was like eating a collapsed star. I managed a few measly bites before lapsing into a food coma once again.

Slipper Lobster

You know you ate something special when you have to google your dinner later based on its attributes (“lobster no claws eat”) to find out what the hell it was. This was served in a garlicky, buttery sauce with a layer of silky tofu underneath. Absolutely yummy.

Fried Dumplings

Ahhh yeah. This shop, with two old ladies furiously beavering away making the dumplings in the back, Nike-style, served delicious fried dumplings for about 6p (12 yen) each. If this place was in Tokyo, it would be the most amazing post-booze food joint, ever. The place seemed filled with people like students and construction workers, each with a plate in front of them piled high with a tower of dumplings that cost about 2 quid for the lot. A range of condiments were free to experiment with, ranging from spicy to OH SHIT.

Cumberland Spring Onion Pie

I have no idea what this is actually called, but it looks like a cumberland sausage and is a pie-like item filled with chopped spring onions. I was very enthusiastic about trying one of these until I saw a moth commit suicide by face-planting into the hot fat then fluttering around liberally basting the pies with tiny particles of fried moth before ultimately dying, whereupon the stall owner nonchalantly scraped the moth into the part of the worktop I assume is called the “moth gutter”.

Dinner at Taipei 101

The 85th floor of the world’s tallest (occupied) building is home to a Chinese restaurant that I’m not sure really deserves to be there. You’d think that eating in such a fantastic location would be an adventure in Chinese gastronomy, an Asian fine-dining experience to rival that of eating in a michelin-starred restaurant in the Eiffel Tower. Sadly, the location has been snapped up by a “high end” chain restaurant and the food - whilst competent - was nothing to hoo and haa about. My dreams of a fine dining experience were further shattered by the woeful incompetence of the staff who might as well have been plucked from any random Chinese restaurant 85 floors below us, who answered the question “so do you have any recommended dishes?” with “well they are all quite nice!” and who spilled our tea everywhere when fixing a wonky table (which for crying out loud, should have been fixed without me asking when I was seated and the table visibly wobbled everywhere).

However, the meal was inexpensive and the portions overly generous. We spent a surprisingly reasonable 60 quid on a dinner that would have easily fed 4 people (so. much. leftovers) - so if you’re looking for a fine-dining view without the fine dining or the fine dining cost, Shin Yeh 101 is a pretty good place to go.

Some LOLS

It’s funny because it’s my name.

And again. If anyone has teh skillz with photoshop, feel free to photoshop my face onto a “yongfook egg tart” using the original full size pic.

Spelling mistakes can be funny AND ego-crushing.

I ate Hello Kitty’s FACE.

On the flight back my tv went spastic. If I weren’t the computer geek I am, an ominous message saying “THE SYSTEM IS GOING DOWN NOW!!” would probably alarm me, the passenger of a commercial flight some 30,000 feet in the air.

More Photos

Full set of photos here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/yongfook/sets/72157605242785119/