Top 10 Songs I PWN At Karaoke, To My Embarrassment
January 27 2008, 1:11pm
I’ve been told I’m a good singer. Spending your childhood playing the violin and singing in choir instead of experimenting with smoking and fingering Nicole Parks in the toilets for 50p a go will do that to anyone. However whilst I may be a decent singer, I make highly dubious song choices at karaoke. But then this is something that we all do, I feel. For 4 mins at a time in a karaoke booth, we transform into a different person. I am a rock God, a teenage pop idol, a classic old crooner and no one can prevent me from express-WHO FRICKING PRESSED “NEXT SONG”? YOU’RE DEAD. YOU’RE DEAD.
All these songs I have been known to sing with varying degrees of awesomeness in proportion to how drunk I am, from a scale of “awesomely please kill me with fire” to “awesomely oh wow dude that actually sounded like him dude, neat”.
1) Always, Bon Jovi I actually sing this song alone at home, too. I’m doing it right now, in fact. Help me.
2) Grace Kelly, Mika By getting everyone in the room to line up and kick me in the balls before the song starts, I can actually hit these high notes.
3) She, Elvis Costello Proving once again that Kevin Spacey is one of the most talented men in showbusiness.
4) With Or Without You, U2 Such an inevitable song - if I don’t put this on, someone else will.
5) A Whole New World, Aladdin You think I’m joking, don’t you. HAHA. I’m not.
6) Hello, Lionel Richie Lionel and I connect because it appears we have both been deeply hurt and driven to the brink of insane, stalkerish behaviour by women, judging from the chilling lyrics and video of this song, “I wonder where you are, I wonder what you do, I wonder what your shoes smell like, I wonder if you got the package I sent yes it was real saliva. Call me. JUST CALL ME”.
7) Cry Me a River, Justin Timberlake JT can sing his arse off, dances like a mofo, and did Dick in a Box. There’s simply nothing not to like about the guy.
8) Angels, Robbie Williams In the middle of this performance for several thousand people in Hyde Park, Robbie parades in front of the audience, picking random women to kiss. He takes them completely by surprise and unfortunately the camera turns away before we get to see their panties exploding with the force of a thousand suns at the realisation that HOLY CRAP I JUST SNOGGED ROBBIE FRICKING WILLIAMS.
9) Welcome to the Jungle, GNFR If I don’t feel like singing, talking or doing anything with my throat (phnar) for a week, I sing this.
10) I Was Made for Lovin’ You, KISS This song is as good as Bohemian Rhapsody is for getting everyone in the room singing together, with the added bonus of actually having lyrics people can remember.
