Does She Really Love You If…
**It’s not often I write from “da heart” *gang member “from da heart yo” gesture* but I think it will be an interesting experiment to see if I can remain genuine for an entire post without making a comment about midget lepers with laser guns for breasts etc.**
I’ve been going over some things in my head lately.
Leading the single, alone-so-alone life gives me a lot of time to look introspectively on past relationships and either rip them to shreds in how utterly flawed they were or cast my eyes to the heavens with a kind of wistful melancholy as I grip my penis by the base and whip myself into a furious froth over how awesome they were.
Above: An Hilarious Metaphor for my current sex life
My last (failed) relationship was excellent in every possible regard except one - we drove each other totally fricking batshit crazy.
She was:
- intelligent
- beautiful
- had a bitingly dry sense of humour that complimented mine nicely
- great in bed. no, make that spectacular in bed.
- was into food, and loved my cooking
- basically pandered to my massive ego
So pretty much everything a man could possibly want. However, whilst 90% of the time everything would be great, we would get into arguments about the tiniest things that would spiral uncontrollably towards the brink of either her saying nonchalantly “hm, perhaps we aren’t meant to be together” (which annoyed my tits off) or me hanging up the phone / storming out / going up to my treehouse to sulk and read Dandy, to derive inspiration from Desperate Dan and his pies of cow. One of the oft-argued topics of arguism was her relationships with male friends, which I, as a completely insensitive neanderthal, had extreme difficulty in understanding.
Towards the end of the macabre theatre of feuding that was our relationship, we began using the “L” word, although we had split up several times before that and our emotional commitment to each other was obviously faltering. If I’m objective I think introducing the “L” word was more of a last-ditch attempt to inject some life into the relationship rather than being an actual expression of our love.
The last argument we had before we decided things had truly run its course (the straw that broke the camels back, nay, sliced the fricker in half) involved my opinion on her and some male friends.
My question is this:
Does she really love you if she…
…is inviting guys round to her place while you aren’t there.
There are two extremes from which you can react to this:
a) of course she still loves you! her platonic relationships with her male friends are irrelevant and in fact, her inviting male friends round to “hang out” and your ability to deal with it is a TRUE EXPRESSION OF THE TRUST involved in a loving relationship. N00b!
b) she should respect the institution of love and not put herself in a position where the other party is made to feel jealous or uneasy. If she really loves you, she’ll be your mind slave!!!11
Of course, my alliance is with the (b) side of thinking. But that’s because I’m a possessive, insecure bastard. What are your thoughts? Of course I understand it’s possible to have a platonic relationship with a member from the opposite sex, but is having an opposite sex friend round to your place whilst you are alone together really something you should be doing when you are supposedly in loving relationship with another man? Is it inappropriate beyond a certain point? How about if the male friend has shown sexual interest in her before, but she hasn’t in him - is it still ok? Or should trust in a loving relationship be completely unconditional?
Feel free to pose your own “does she really love you if…” questions
p.s. midget leper laser breasts.
damn.
I think it is OK to have a guy friend around when my bf is not around thou. But I will pre-inform my bf for that. I know my bf wont get jealous or anything, but the pre-inform thing is necessary..it acts like a msg: honey, I STILL love you, don’t worry. me and that dude? just hang out.you cool with that right?
gah! even he is not..but it is too late to say NO for my bf. Girls still (probably) need to hang out with other guy friends even they are attached. This ‘rule’ applies to guy as well.
My bf doen’t really hang out with other girls thou. I always ask him to go out with my other girl friends..so he can see the other carzy side of female. ;)
I know this whole thing sound crazy, but i like to know what other couple do as well.
Me and my bf have been going out for 6 years this coming March.
Maybe she did that intentionally to make you jealous, because that meant you cared. It’s very intoxicating to know you have that power to drive someone into a jealous rage, and that you are desirable enough that a significant other doesn’t want to share you. It’s also exciting and sexy to taunt your love interest and make them suspicious, even if you have no intention of cheating. I would be a little disappointed if my boyfriend had absolutely no problem with my hanging out with other guy friends, particularly if these guy friends had expressed interest in me as more than just a buddy. I would think, does he really love me if he ISN’T jealous?
Romantic love is, unlike parental love or the love you feel for a pet, selfish. “The Unbearable Lightness of Being” explores this idea really well. How much love gets returned is just as important (if not more) as how much love is put into it, like an investment. It’s also a contest–do I love him more than he loves me? How far can I push him before I drive him totally fucking batshit crazy, and will he still love me afterwards?
At the same time, I think girls on the whole think it is perfectly fine to carry on platonic guy relationships and hang out with them privately, while it is much more of an instinct for guys to be jealous and suspicious. I have no idea how to deal with this successfully in a relationship. I think unconditional trust is naive, and a setup for disappointment, at least before marriage. But that is a different situation.
Love your blog!
I know this won’t be published, but that’s okay. I thought this was an interesting post and refreshing insight into what makes you tick. My initial reaction is an interest into why someone who has experienced success on many levels is so insecure. You are bright, knowledgable and introspective, yet you lack a basic instinct of your value. A relationship that is working well 90% of the time, and seemingly doesn’t work because of your jealousy sounds pretty damn fixable to me. To begin with, instead of pompously spouting your judgements of your gf and her male friends, why not try telling her how you feel. I love spending time w/ my friends and often opt to hang w/ the girls. I also love spending time w/ my male friends; but if it was spending time alone with a male friend who has shown a sexual interest in me (even if it’s in the past) - who am I teasing? I’d say both the friend and my bf. Yes, I do believe in platonic male/female relationships (although I’ve had some that became sexual), but if I knew that my bf felt uncomfortable with the situation, I’d invite him to join us - why would I insist on spending time one on one (so to speak) when I knew the person I love felt intimidated. I’d make damn sure that my bf felt comfortable with the situation, just as I’d expect him to do the same for me. It would be very important to me that my bf not only understand my friendship, but feel comfortable being included in it. Why not? On the other hand, I wish you’d spend more time investigating why you are so jealous and insecure in general. That seems to be far more important for you to understand at this point in your life. You would be so much happier if you could get a handle on why you are so easily threatened and work that out before you enter a serious relationship. I hope you find a resolution. While your “hysterical metaphor” is entertaining, it is very sad. I hope this is your last Christmas alone and that you find first a love for all that you are, and secondly, someone to love who appreciates all you have to offer. I know this is really sappy - but it’s from da heart yo. C.
It boils down to what kind of a person you are when it comes to whether you can accept whats going on. Personally, I can’t accept it even though there may be many reasons for doing so (as this post has listed). And even if people give me their views and try to explain “maybe its not that, take it easy”, etc., (which I’m sure most will have some kinda logic to it), being who I am, I probably wouldn’t take it in. Like said, thats just me though, an arrogant, insecure, stubborn bastard! Hahahahaha…
Whether she loves you or not is really here nor there. If you don’t like it and you’ve told her and she doesn’t want to change, then you have discovered the extent to which she has prioritized how you feel over what she wants to do. In the end, whatever you (or she) is willing to do/put up with/let go/etc. becomes the status quo. Relationships are about give and take and fights tend to spring up in situations when one side seems to be/is taking more than they’re giving.
So, if you feel it balances out, then stick around. And don’t make a big deal out of it as your female half will , however subconsciously, fully exploit your insecurities to constantly reassure her own insecurities about the relationship. We can’t help it - it is hardwired into our little, pink brains from birth. And if you’re not cool with it, then split. The sooner, the better as it will save you a whole lotta hassle and teach her that the jealousy routine doesn’t always work.
does hanging out with the guy frens entail hot waxes,butter and such?? alone or a bunch of guys? i wld be more wary if it’s ONE GUY all the time. (like what chris rock says the platonic fren is the guy who will be the next in line to fuck ur gf whenever u guys have probs..drunk or not) if not, there’s hardly cause for worry. unless u know that u didnt actually provide her enough earth-shattering orgasms.
saying that platonic r/s exist is merely to appease the modern-thinking persons who dont really subscribe to the idea of gender inequality. even if they can exist, they dont go too far to the extent of sharing every single detail of each other lives and so on coz there’s alw that one chance that at the back of the head of one of them is that sthg MIGHT JUST HAPPEN. u still wanna look good somewhat.
ask urself this: if the person is not too interesting, and looks like a dog, why wld anyone spend so much time with him or her? it’s human nature that we dont want to be seen with losers if we can help it. having said that, if hes not better looking, he can alw charm his way in with his lovable sense of humour, wit, whatever else (money wld be a good guess as well).
sometimes it’s her playing the jealousy game, but there’s possibility that she’s also too confident that since she’s not interested in the friend THAT WAY, she thinks it wld NEVER happen coz she wont let it. not that it wld make the insecure bf any calmer coz being a guy, u knw they alw try… so women can be a bit naive that way..heh.
well, unless u are looking at a long-term committed r/s, i dont see why u shld demand her to cut off her ties with all members of the opposite sex juz bcoz u r insecure. being social creatures that they are, women are more likely to want to keep their friends during courtship til they are super duper sure that it’s safe to just see u and u alone. after all, u r expecting her to cut off all her other chances while u take ur time to think about where u r going with this.
ok. im babbling. enough of this shit.
p/s: it’s a well-documented fact by yours truly that the more insecure a person is, he wld either make up for it in terms of personal achievements in other areas of his life to justify the (sexual) insecurities. it;s gonna be lonely at the top though…
A little background on this story:
1) It was last year, so these aren’t really fresh wounds or anything - I’m just being self-critical about the past for a bit.
2) It was serious. I was head-over-heels and arse-over-tit for this girl. She was the only girl I ever actually wanted to say “I love you” to. I wanted her to be in my life for a long, long time. In the end though, I’m cool with arguing, I think it’s natural to an extent. However, she flipped out over every argument we had, saying it signaled how we weren’t right for each other, it would bring about the end of days, fire and brimstone, cats and dogs living together* etc etc and that’s what killed us - it wasn’t like it ended over an argument, it ended over “arguing”.
*I use that reference way too much.
I’m on to you!
This post was just a feebly disguised personal ad. You are declaring your loneliness to signify you are looking. There’s even a prominent bullet list of your requirements. And the whole message is capped by a “don’t even bother to apply unless you want to be the total mind-slave of an insecure possessive bastard.” Honestly!
Genius. I should do that too.
someone saw through my ruse! drat!
No but seriously, I don’t think I have time for a girlfriend this year.
Although I would consider taking on a hot mind-slave for weekend fun GSOH essential kthxbai.
Excellent food for thought. I don’t however think that it comes down to an (a) or (b) dichotomy. I think most people can see the importance of having friends of both sexes, and a girlfriend hanging out with guy friends is not in itself any kind of deal breaker. I think the issue is the manner in which the hanging out occurs. Having coffee, lunch, going out for a drink - these are activities which shouldn’t raise eyebrows. Depending on the length and nature of the friendship going out to dinner is fairly innocuous too. Having guy friends come back to your place is getting into very grey territory. Is it during the day, for coffee? Or at night, to watch a DVD and have a few drinks? What about stayovers?
When these issues arise I think a few hypotheticals can be useful. The first one is “What if the roles were reversed?” This is the subjective test. If you have chicks around to your pad then you can hardly call out your girlfriend for the same thing. A personal note - I am used to staying with a longtime female friend when I visit her city on business, but I have stopped doing so even though my current partner says she is cool about it. When I apply the role-reversal hypothetical, no matter how new-age sensitive I consider myself, I can’t honestly say I would be happy about her guy friends doing the stayover thing. So I take into account how I think she might feel, and despite her assurances that stayovers are OK I stay in a hotel.
So what happens when she does something that you, out of consideration, would not do? I think the crux of the issue comes down to this - people have different ideas on what is considered a grey area. Because Person A may consider innocent what Person B sees as sinister it is useful to get outside perspective. One method is a roundtable discussion with friends - a peer group offers greater depth of opinion than the original couple can provide. Or try Hypothetical Two - what if the participants were married? If you were married, would your partner’s activities be considered no-go? This introduces objectivity. A married man or woman having dinner with an old friend of the opposite sex is perfectly pedestrian. A married person having dinner frequently with that same friend is perfectly OK too so long as there is notice (as one poster observed) and the friendship is longstanding. But what about these: - A married woman has a male friend stay over while her husband is away - A married man works late with his female colleague and then goes out for a drink - A married woman accepts a dinner invitation from a guy she meets via work
Being married adds the objectivity of societal norms. It doesn’t mean that grey instantly becomes black and white but it certainly flags danger signals. Here the issue is not just the other person’s feelings but how society views the relationship. As a basic rule society frowns on married people who hang out one-on-one with friends of the opposite sex in situations which imply intimacy. Whether you are screwing around or not is not the issue - does it look like you are?
When you “go out” with someone you do not have the same level of commitment as a married couple but the longer and closer the relationship the greater the responsibility which is implied. Which brings us to YF’s point about respecting the relationship. YF’s ex should have considered that having a solitary guy over to her place implies a certain intimacy and that having a group of friends come over, or meeting somewhere for coffee is a much safer option. Unfortunately (and the facts bore this out) such consideration for your partner is not normally derived from lengthy debate - a person either has it or they don’t.
well.. does she know that u were tits over arse in love with her by any chance?
i think she’s not very comfortable with arguing with a partner over matters. it can be fun to do it sometimes outta jest, poking fun and all. for what’s it’s worth, a lot of ppl think now it’s not the amount of arguing u do but how u argue that is important.
yeah, there’s such BS as “positive arguing” hahah
Completely unrelated, did you take those photos? They are totally badass. You’re great with a camera.
As for the chick thing, I’m with you on the jealousy bit. I hate mind games, especially chick mind games that leave you asking yourself questions like these years after. Though I’m sure we leave them with just as much confusion(my safety sentence). I’ll shut my trap here though, I’m already engaged. :P
I think it’s all about compromise and your partners knowing where you’re coming from. I mean if you’ve explained why you didn’t like her guy friends dry humping her legs (while you weren’t there), she should have had the courtesy as to try to understand why it was bothering you and try to come to a good compromise, rather than her just saying something like “this how I roll, love it or leave it”.
Trust is definitely a big part of well working relationship. But not blind trust. There is a difference between, “my guy friends are here, leave us alone”, and “Jim-Bob and Buck Naked are visiting for a drink, you know, the ones I’ve told you about”.
If you guys are in the same town, that’s not too much of a biggie. But if she was taking trips with her said “friends”, then that would be a huge issue for me.
So far, I’m with you on this. If she knew that it made you feel uncomfortable and you’ve voiced that to her, she should make an effort to at least see it from your point of view and come to some kind of compromise that you both can come to terms with.
Hello there!
I somehow stumbled upon your blog and couldn’t help myself commenting on this one. This is from my female perspective. My boyfriend couldn’t stand the fact that I was always hanging around with my male friends. It annnoyed the hell out of me because I felt that he didnt trust me. It sparked numerous fights between us. Because to his logic, I was putting my friends before his feelings. And in some way, it is true although I was too stubborn to admit it. As an independent thinking woman, I thought that if I adjust my lifestyle to his will, it meant compromising my own personality. MYSELF. That’s the way I am and I have always been. So, he did make me feel that he didn’t GET me. Leading me to think that maybe we weren’t really compatible. Because after all, the person you love should complement you, not to change you. But then I realised where my priorities lied. It didn’t mean changing myself, just because of spending less time with my friends. if they were my friends, they would understand. After all, it didn’t feel like a sacfice. It was a choice I made to keep my relationship because I loved him. And I still do.
By the way, I love your photos.
Ah, women are selfish creatures often proclaiming how insecure you are when they have male friends around, but it’s always another story when you have a few females friends around your place I’ve found.
Heck, the last girlfriend I had who tried that guilt trip would do so in order to reassure herself and bolster her poor self confidence. Of course in the end she did sleep with her male “friend” and I dumped her ass promptly. Insecure, betraying hag… I hate her, oh I hate her and her childish mind games. Oh who am I kidding… I still love her, that kinky little slut.
But it’s because of her I only have relationships with inanimate objects such a lamp shades or car exhaust pipes.
I wish you could have had a happy ending. She shouldn’t have flipped over every argument and verbally declare them as the reason you guys weren’t meant to be. You should have been more trusting in her ability to not sex any guy she was alone with. I think a girl, -smart, awesome as you make her sound- her own pride would prevent her from stooping to some guy who wanted her, /while in a relationship/. But yes: male friends should have been tolerated by you, and I feel sad that you guys didn’t stay together.
yo.. expressions of self pity isn’t the way to score chicks. you’ve been out of the game to long. fuck a guy.
I’ve had a similar relationship with a girl from the UK (me being Belgian, as in talking French..) we were heads over heels from the 1st moment, she was from Zimbabwe, extremely good looking and verry intelligent, great cook etc. Though every time we’d get into an argument there was no way to talk to her, crazy sh*t..even after a few days she’d still throw down the phone. Also alot of times she tried to make it worse like for instance saying she didn’t find it manly if a man talked to his beste mate discussing gf trouble etc. In the end it all comes down to this: if they don’t wanna talk the relationship is not meant to be.
Hey, yongfook - discovered your site a couple months ago while googling the magic word “umeboshi.”
Anyhow: As I see it, the blame isn’t all with you. Looks like claws-and-teeth insecurity on both sides.
When I was young, insecure, and terribly, terribly Christian, my husband stepped out on me and got excommunicated for it. I told him I’d divorce him “so fast it’ll make your head spin,” but I just couldn’t. Because, you know, he was a mensch and laughed at my incomprehensible jokes.
Well, 10 years later we had mutated a lot, so when he hooked up with the same guy (yes, guy) again, I …
And because I’d had those 10 years (and the 10 years before that!) for him to prove - just by living his life - that he loved me enough to stay with me, that I would ALWAYS get my share of him - I saw no reason to be jealous of him ever again. Nor did he have any reason to be jealous of my skinpals when they came along; because he knew he would always get his share of me.
Bob Bennet said:
Sounds cynical, but treat this like an equation and sure enough, he’s right. If A=B, then not-A=not-B; if your female friends don’t bother her, her male friends shouldn’t bother you.Yes, I HATE mind games too. They are such a FUCKING waste of time when you want to explore new ground like bisexuality, polyamory, or spiritual weirdness.
If there’s one thing I know about women it’s that they are always one step away from being legitimately retarded, and we’re talking like an eligible for benefits from the government level of retarded. More than the dude from Goonies but less so than Terry Schiavo, that sort of retarded. Bearing that it mind, I suggest you generally repeat things more to the next woman, and possibly consider employing the use of brightly colored visual aids. Perhaps make a construction paper cutout of her male “friend” and wipe your ass with it, and proceed to smash it against her nose while firmly yelling “NOOOOOO, NO! NO! NO! NO!” Also be as generous with praise as you are with punishment, but make sure she thinks she’s ugly so that her self-esteem is low enough for her to stay with you forever.
never has there been more sage advice than that which I have just read.
wait.. is that a TOAD ORGY?
I agree with Wejjie.
well, being fabulous and being universally adored come hand in hand. you just have to accept that to a certain point or be stuck with ugly girls. sorry.
Nina says “blah…love love blah blah blah, … at least before marriage. But that is a different situation.”
Thinks don’t magically change just because you get married. People who think they do are the ones who end up getting divorced. Problems before marriage get magnified and worse after.
Complete trust is a necessity of love, before and after marriage. Naive and a setup perhaps, but necessary.
“…a mongrel hybrid of Chinese and British blood, gaining neithers strengths, but inheriting all weaknesses.” Your chinese weaknesses makes you sway towards option (b) rather than (a) … I know coz I too have same gene and am currently in rehab.
Girl’s point of view.
I had always been a (b). Until I was conditioned to accept the (a) by an ex - who used the whole “Trust” bullshit theory on me.
And then the slut full-on cheated on me.
So now I just hate men in general and eat kittens for breakfast.
2 more comments: cats and dogs often live together happily - they just don’t have sex w/ each other (ya know -like male and female friends) some people find the drama of arguing addictive - just take a pulse to make sure it’s not you. Sometimes it’s useful, sometimes it’s even fun - but for the most part, it’s a bloody waste of brainpower and time. For one whose designs and interests are so elegant, I suspect it’s not you.
As most of the other people have said, it’s your issue more than about whether or not she actually loves you. By wanting her to not spend any time alone with a male friend, you were pretty much wanting to possesss her (which you admit) but it was at the expense of what she wanted.
This being said, I am female, have at least 2/3 of my friends being male, and my closest friends have been male (only recently have I had any female friends I felt really close to). The friend I’ve spent the most time with lately is actually my most recent ex-boyfriend who decided that he didn’t love me any more when I was overseas, and that he was actually in love with his “best friend” who was another ex-girlfriend of his. I’ve also had a boyfriend who was very jealous of the fact that I had male friends, so I’ve seen a couple of sides of the coin.
First- my relationship with the boyfriend who was jealous of me having male friends. Even in groups, he would try to position himself so that I couldn’t talk as easily with my male friends, INCLUDING my best friend (who was engaged and it was through him we met). His being so jealous drove me away from him, and we would fight all the time because there was nothing I could do to let him know that it was ok. I had never cheated in a relationship, while I had had a brief crush on the best friend, he hadn’t been interested in me, and I’d gotten over the crush over a year previously. Another male friend, who there had been chemistry with was going through a rough patch, but we had stopped chatting for a while, made contact with me as he needed someone to talk to. Initially I tried to hide it from the boyfriend as I knew that it upset him and we’d fight, but told him that we were talking. It was actually my boyfriend’s reactions that really nailed the coffin lid on our relationship. He wanted to be the only male in my world, and considering that around 80% of the friends I had were male, it would have meant my having no-one other than him, and while I loved him, I still needed to have other people around.
The other relationship- the boyfriend who pretty much left me for his best friend and ex, I was never jealous of them spending time together alone when I knew that he loved me. I started to have issues with it when we were having problems in our relationship (my being overseas for so long and not seeing each other was a huge problem) but that was not so much JUST BECAUSE of them being friends, it was because he’d been “I’m in love with her, oh no I’m not, oh I’m in love with her, oh no I’m not” for about two years before we’d met, and up until about 2 months before we started seeing each other. It was also because having known the girl, I know that she flirts with people all the time, not in the generally flirtatious-silly manner that I and a large number of my friends are, but in a definite “giving signals” way. And actually, since the last time I saw her, I’ve since found out two instances of her trying to get males interested in her specifically to boost her self confidence, not because of any interest in them. :S He’d also had another girl who I knew was hitting on him (very OBVIOUSLY hitting on him) hanging around, and I had some issues with that, it was ok when I was in the country, I didn’t like it but it didn’t cause issues when I was there. When I was overseas, it bothered me a lot. And yes, he was/is my equivalent for how you feel/felt about your girl. That being said, we’re friends now, but I’m always very much aware of our previous relationship, and at times it’s incredibly painful and sucky. Other times I just want to punch the crap out of him, and sometimes, we’re just good friends.
For me, he/she/it can still friends of any gender (what if she had a friend who was a lesbian and hit on your girlfriend? Would that upset you? What if your girlfriend was bi?) so long as the significant other is made to feel important, and as long as they know that they’re not second best. If I’d been made to feel that I was the most important, not second choice, I wouldn’t have felt threatened despite the distance, but being stifled because of the jealousy of my boyfriend drove me away and actually closer to my other male friends, simply because they didn’t try to monopolise me.
I should also note- I have a couple of female friends that I flirt outrageously with all the time (last time she gave me a hicky- the first she’s ever given anyone, I’m also the first person she’s kissed), yet despite my always having stated that I would date whoever I fell in love with regardless of gender, my boyfriend never had an issue with me being silly with them, but my just having a conversation with a male friend would make him jealous.
I agree with you to a certain point, but I have to say, while it is much easier to freak out and be overwhelmed by pangs of insecurity, there is definitely something wonderful (albeit potentially masochistic) about being able to allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to completely trust your partner. - I’m sure that if and when you meet the right girl things will be different. -
Q: Does she really love you if she … …would rather end the relationship than continue it long distance? –and how long is it okay, if even at all, to maintain a long distance relationship?
i had an ex who’s overtly possesive and jealous that he wld forbid me talking to even girls (his own classmates and friends).
at the end of this all, u have to agree that jealousy over such matters mostly stem from insecurities and possesiveness.
zedstar>> that’s coz other males can give u babies, girl.
that relationship sounds pretty intense… it seems like every person i know has one of those CRAZY INTENSE** relationships. and then later on they find the right person… its like the right of passage or something…
i have a guy friend that i have known for over 15 years.. (since i was a kid) and we’ve seen alot of shit happen to each other. we’ve never dated. we never will. we hang out alone alot and bitch about our bf/gf and give eachother advice from male/female perspective. i can’t imagine someone in my life telling me i can’t hang out with this friend alone anymore.
also, i went to engineering in university; so 99% of my friends are guys. giving up hanging out with them would mean NO MORE FRIENDS. which would suck.
Dude. Just buy a dog. Potty train it. Bam. Victory is yours.
If you DO buy a dog, I think MagnumPI’s input will go a long way toward the potty training side of things. It might be less successful on future dates though.
OMG toad orgy.
Hm, I’ve been pondering this myself, actually. I think it’s a bit of 1, a bit of 2. I mean, there can definitely be cases where a girl just enjoys friendship with a guy, and has no interest in anything more. Nothing is going to happen, she isn’t thinking of how he’s better than you, etc. So whether it’s at her house when the two are alone, or it’s going out with a group of friends to bowl, it makes no difference either way. And if they’re good friends, she shouldn’t have to give it up just because the person’s a male. If the other guy wants something more than friendship, it still won’t mean anything if the girl doesn’t feel that way (though if he’s gonna act inappropriately when he knows she’s with you, it’s no good). But, if she does feel anything for him, or he’s hotter than you, or whatever, there may be a threat, and even if there isn’t in the end, it’s just going to make you feel uncomfortable and insecure, so she should avoid that situation (being alone at home with this guy). So…well, you shouldn’t be all jealous if nothing’s going on, and you shouldn’t restrict her too much, but she shouldn’t make you uncomfortable, and push you, and play games (whichever of those might apply) if it can be helped.
Have you read, ‘How Proust Can Change Your Life’ by Allain DeBotton? Has some - the chapter is quite short compared to his other advice - interesting words in regards to love. For example, DeBotton asks the question, ‘Did he think love could last forever?’ He then summarises that, ‘Well, no, but the limits to eternity didn’t lie specifically with love. They lay in the general difficulty of maintaining an appreciative relationship with anything or anyone that was always around.’
Anyway, I read that book along with DeBotton’s ‘On Love’, and I know that you shouldn’t take books too seriously but it gave me a few concepts regardign love and relationships to ponder about. Give them a shot! Also, I don’t think it’s okay to bring some guy back like she did.
80% of my friends have been male since 8th grade. this is a big problem i have with my boyfriends as well. when i meet a man i am ready to commit myself to and i think the feeling is mutual, i would have no problem not hanging out with my guy friends if my boyfriend wasnt around (except for my best friends, especially if he was in a committed relationship too). other than that, i might try to tone it down but the bottom line would be deal with it or leave.
(i havent read any of the other comments)
times like this u refer to the almighty ladder theory ™.
i dont think it applies to ex-bfs though.
http://www.laddertheory.com/
From the pictures in your photostream, it appears that your circle of friends is in the same general age range and situation (single & dating) as yourself. I can’t offer you any really sage advice but this might be helpful: If you don’t have any slightly older friends in established relationships, it might be good to start hanging around with a few. Then you could see (hopefully) how successful, long-term relationships within your own generation function. It might also be good to keep in touch with your old flame. In a few years, as your youthful ideals relax a little, you might not make each other quite so crazy and be able to settle into a calmer compatibility.
yeah lets all just hook up when we chill out. WRONG. The woman I end up with has got to LEARN to take the rough with the smooth. Life isn’t roses all the time. WHY DID YOU MAKE ME HIT YOU. WHY.
Most of women, myself included, are just dumb enough to believe men REALLY do want a platonic relationship. WRONG!!! I’ve had loads of male friends over the years and not a one has NOT tried at some point to put a move on me.
Damn this gorgeous face of mine! LOL In seriousness, ladies, don’t flatter yourself. He’d hump any other chick with a pulse given a chance too. So don’t be flattered.
Fine line. Basically she should have had your feelings in check by being in public not her place or his. And yes you should trust her. If there is no trust then there is nothing. And that right there is your answer. Either you have trust issues (legit or otherwise) or she’s not trustworthy. Not gonna work.
See the thingie on ladder theory. Good stuff. In summation: As a woman I wanna do you or I don’t. As man it’s a matter of how badly you wanna do me. Does Terry Schiavo appeal to you more or do I rank above Jessica Simpson?
As a serial monogamist and yet constant fuck-up, I have learned that these questions you pose may be completely unanswerable by us, your random website passers-by. Every relationship is its own beast, so what works with some of your girlfriends, won’t with others. Girlfriend A may have male friends with whom you want her to have no relationship whatsoever, while girlfriend B may have some who don’t pose any kind of threat, or who, quite simply, don’t make you uncomfortable. Perhaps in the future you will find yourself in a seemingly similar situation (i.e. girlfriend with loads of male friends), and yet you are cool with it. Perhaps not. In any case, we as your readers, no matter how devout, can’t really respond in any kind of meaningful and informed way unless we are, in fact, your ex-girlfriend. So, does a girl still love you? Fuck if I know. But I suppose you weren’t really asking for advice or answers, so much as you were asking for “thoughtsâ€? and more “does a girl still love you, if…â€? questions.
So, does a girl still love you if she’s been reading yongfook.com since the fall of 2002?
I don’t know, but I still dig it.
a/s/l?
25/f/london
Haven’t read your blog for long, but think you are pretty hawt and interesting.
I got off a relationship, and between jacking off and bouts of introspection, here’s my lousy 2 cents.
The bitches ALWAYS fuck it up when they whiff that you like them a lot.
It’s some self-destructive shite they learn from the age of 4 along with how to bat their eyelids. This same self-destructive shite is also evident in 1) liking bad boys they can’t have 2) craving for shoes and bags that’s just a little out of their budget 3) wanting to be a spoiled princess yet wanting to be taken seriously in the workforce
I say, let’s just get primitive, and then just fuck em and leave em before you get attached to them. Trust me on this.
I was in a similar situation. My boyfriend was secure about my friendships with other guys (most of my friends are guys) and we were good otherwise, but he did have a problem with one or two of my male friends. We battled and screamed, we broke up over it. We got back together.
I wasn’t fooling around and it was just a friendship, but I had to decide whether my bf’s feelings were more important than my friendship with this guy. They were. We got married and it’s been years since I’ve seen the friend. I hadn’t planned on making such a sacrifice (”if he loved me…” “if he trusted me…” blah blah). I didn’t HAVE to do it, but I DID it because I could see how it hurt him, and I didn’t want him to feel that way. I see my other friends with him, or alone, and it would take a war to change that, but I wouldn’t threaten to leave him because of his feelings (however misguided).
And maybe you weren’t meant to be together, but she shouldn’t have wanted to hurt you by continuing to say it even though she knew what reaction she would get. Maybe that’s why she did it..? That’s not love, that’s a girl who only really feels you care if you’re having a heart attack because of her.
If you didn’t want her seeing ANY other guy but you without your permission, I mean, presence, well, you should have broken up the very first time it bothered you. I wouldn’t stay with anyone who thought they could put such strict limitations on my relationships with others.
Well, YF, while you’re figuring out your love life, here is something that, after having perused your website for a while, I think you’ll like. Thought classical music and penises could never go together? THINK AGAIN.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rurp1HaCWmA
You may be able to watch Amadeus over and over again, but now you’ll NEVER watch it in the same way.
P.S. May not be work safe.
I freaked out once because a guy who liked me was too cute and I am very possessive.
Had to let the poor guy go!
Well, I’ve been with a man who was so possessive he would yell at me all night long if he caught me in so much as an MSN conference involving a male, even if he was 7 years old. I’ve also dated men who were okay if I was out on the town with the straight guy friend from wayyy back. I agree that the latter relationships were a lot happier. I’ve never cheated on anyone and I believe trust should be earned, but I do have male friends I would invite into the house occasionally and watch movies with.
The thing is that I put myself in my partner’s shoes before doing anything of that sort. I think about how I would feel if he had done something like this. This has to balance out with how I act around that friend.
There’s always the middle ground - asking him AND a girl buddy over at the same time, calling the boyfriend once or twice when hanging out with the guy friend.
The issue here is not if the girl loves you, it’s whether she RESPECTS you. It’s nice and all to have a trusting boyfriend, but we’re all humans here. If she knew how to demonstrate the necessary respect and did so, you shouldn’t have any reason to feel insecure about a damn thing.
fuckstress, will you eat my girlfriend’s kitten for breakfast? i meant kitten’s literally, and has absolutely nothing to do with pussy.
You know, I was gonna come in here and argue that in a real committed relationship, it doesn’t matter what the gender of the friend is or when he’s allowed to come to the house. Most of my friends are women, and I often see them when my wife’s at work. (By see I mean “locate with my eyes,” not “disrobe and penetrate.”) She gets jealous sometimes, yeah, but it’s to a minor degree, because she knows that my statement of love for and devotion to her isn’t just blowing smoke up her ass, and even though every woman on the planet wants to steal me from her (in her view) I’m going to fight to not let them, even if it means physically beating them away from my belt buckle.
But I see your point, and have to agree. You can only go so far as the other party’s comfort zone allows. If it made you uncomfortable, she needed to respect that and not have dudes over while you weren’t there. Because getting back to my original turn of phrase, a real committed relationship is about compromise and working with each other, making minor tweaks to your own behavior about the things that stick in the other’s craw and trusting that they’re going to do the same.
But that’s one of the great paradoxes about women: They expect you to change around them while they personally are cementing their ideals, beliefs and operating processes permanently into place.
ur so hot oh my gosh i love u .. eheh.
kidding lah. oh well yongfook, u know, its just so against the forces of nature to be surrounded by guys at places like that if you’re already attached. I understand how you feel. Although, I don’t get it, why do us girls have to stop chilling with our guy friends although we’ve known them wayy before we even met the guy that we are currently with. Just like my ex, he was so possesive. eh.
Without reading any of the other comments, I immediately have 2 things to say:
1) Tokyo has got to be one of the loneliest places in the world, as I’m sure you know, so hopefully you aren’t beating yourself up/off too much over a little restrospection, and
2) when you say “her inviting male friends round to “hang outâ€? and your ability to deal with it is a TRUE EXPRESSION OF THE TRUST involved in a loving relationship,” I say, “Goddamn right!” and wonder why you don’t just stop there. Is b) possessive and insecure? Hell yes.
“kidding lah.”
LOL!
Was in a similar situation myself in the past. Its absolutely shit. You re right, if you re involved in a ‘loving’ relationship with another person, you shouldn’t get yourself into a situation like the above. Successful relationships (i think) are built not only on trust, but must also rest on a solid platform where parties will compromise when necessary. (two way street, give and take)
Compared to my ex, i looked like shrek’s behind to be honest. So i was, inevitably an insecure bastard. But that’s because i learnt the hard way that stuff like;
“There’s no one else i want to be with but you. He’s just a friend.”
is a bucket of shit until the lady (preferably) who utters those words become the mother of my children and lets me have my way with her. lol.
Anyways, when confronted with that situation, the ex of course asked why i was becoming so possessive etc etc.. and i flipped the trump card.
I asked her how she would feel if i had a lady friend over at my place when she wasn’t around, just for drinks. (I am not really like shrek’s behind, but the ex was hawt)
And wouldn’t you know, it pulled a nerve. We ended up arguing about it and truth be told, suddenly i wasn’t the only possessive and pressuring individual.
She then came up with some lame horse shit to redeem herself. Something along the lines of “she never forced me not to hang out with my female friends, and if i wanted to i should just bloody get with the program.”
Managed to shut her up by telling her that even if i wanted to, i chose not to because i knew it would drive her up the damn wall thrice because i did love her at the time.
Suffice to say, she said she understood how i felt and said she would compromise. Horse shite. A while later i found out accidentally that even prior to our conversation she had been screwing with the guy. And of course when that became an issue it was “an accident…” “she never meant to do it..” “it was my FAULT too cause i wasn’t understanding enough” What a load of crap.
Ben > that is severely fucked up and you have my sympathies. Next time I go out drinking, I’ll tell your story and we’ll raise our glasses to you. Then I’ll go home and masturbate, alone. In the dark.
You asked why it happened. Maybe you answered your own Q?
“yeah lets all just hook up when we chill out. WRONG. The woman I end up with has got to LEARN to take the rough with the smooth. Life isn’t roses all the time. WHY DID YOU MAKE ME HIT YOU. WHY.”
Oh oh oh, I sense another person who doesn’t “get” yongfook.
Yongfook> Thanks. Please go forth and tell of the evil that is the tramp who busted my balls with her stilletos.
Just read some of the comments above and read one about ‘guy monopolizing the girl’ or something like that.
People should understand that there are different levels of insecurity.
How many of us here can actually say that you trust your partner 100%?
1 in 10 maybe?
I mean, i would trust my girlfriend with;
i. my atm card; ii. my dog; iii. my car; iv. my email password (amongst others)
But i would never trust my girlfriend 100% when she invite guy(s) over to her place when i am not around. More so if its the same guy more than once. I suppose to be fair, i would never trust that situation ultimately, where my girlfriend is alone with a guy, who in my head, probably just wants to hump her, which he did.
Guys and girls don’t become just normal ‘best friends’ without the side order of infatuation and loving romantic feelings. It’s part of the human psyche and just not fucking possible. (those who disagree can go ahead can try. Just send me 50 bucks when you do fall in ‘love’.)
So if you know she’s my girlfriend stop trying to get into her pants. If you re my girlfriend, then don’t put yourself in a position where there’s room for me to think that you want to get into his pants.
I just realized that i haven’t made much sense with the above. I am just bitter… nay totally fucking outraged that my ex cheated on me.
I am so destined to seek mental refuge in the prostitutes and ladyboys who roam the darkness and will probably die a sad, disgruntled bastard.
Never felt better.
Ben, your girlfriend was an uber-bitch. I once read in some email: ‘No matter how good-looking she is, there’s always some guy who’s sick of putting up with her crap’.
Like I said, trust should be earned. Women can be every bit as flirty and unfaithful as men can be, and I know about two people in the world who have been in real relationships but have never cheated in their life.
A good rule of thumb is, if you know you tend to feel insecure, don’t try to ‘control her social life’, you’ll instantly become the Evil Half. Yes, I AM suggesting that you just get a girl who doesn’t hang out alone with guys. Your chances of morphing into a completely-understanding, un-jealous, 100% secure person are MUCH smaller than a flirty young girl’s chances of cheating on you.
Maybe she really loved you, but there’s probably someone more suited for you. She had guys over who wanted to get with her when you weren’t around; you weren’t cool with it, but she did it anyway. Not cool dude. By, Nina’s sister
hey, im a ladyboy!!
i suddenly felt like i have sense of purpose in life to save all the sad sods dumped by their hot gfs from masturbating with cactus.
i thought you had given up all work to be at jonkenpon? your interview in nihongojouzu says u are a banker. i had been excited that you had been brave and quit imgsrc completely and gone astray. whats going on??? i withdraw my congrats i gave when you set up as i have been duped. jonkenpon is a bedroom project?!!
You withdraw your congrats? Why? You make it sound like people should only receive praise for doing something whilst slaving away at McDonalds to pay the bills. I apologise for having my head screwed on tighter than that. If you think it’s possible to start a company without any financial backing you are pretty naive.
JKP is my life now, period. I consult for an investment company but they are fully supportive of this venture and the aim is to grow it together. If somehow this is not a positive strategic move in your eyes, then all I can say is I’m glad you’re not running my life.
Guys can’t be just friends.
Girls claim they don’t know this when they see male friends.
Some do know it but enjoy the thrill of feeling adored.
If she plays dumb on this, immediately kick her.
Always remember: no matter fit she is, no matter how much you are into her… bear in mind that someone, somewhere, is already sick of her.
Darling,
She doesn’t love you. And trust me, when you reach 40, the only thing you’ll love* is a young nubile 20 year old who is into domination and will blackmail you, with your consensus. Not only will this 20 year old take all your money, she will shackle your little speedo wearin ass onto a berkely horse and whip the shiznit outta you.
*So, don’t love.
From an embittered overseas peranakan living in Toronto , wondering where the hell is the laksa.
PS :
Darling ! I was a banker who quit to become a dominatrix. Surely bedroom projects aren’t an immediate admission to a lifetime of poverty. From my experience, I make more money with my little bedroom project vs handling a merger.
Congrats to your new site.
so no guys on here have any female friends with whom they ever hang out without having sex??
dan>> sure. the ones that the females dont find attractive enuf to bonk but good enuf to boost their egos with.
DOH
A question about these occassions when the ex would invite guy friends around when you weren’t there:
Did she go out of her way to not invite you too? Did she do it secretly or was it one of those situations where the invitation for you to join them was always there, but you simply couldn’t make it?
If a) the woman’s a bitch. If b) you’re too paranoid.
Nope, I was never invited. It was her and her “guy-pal time”.
Read: bukkake-gangbang jizz fiesta time.
The bitch.
I think I’ve gone through all the stages of grief now:
1) Anger 2) Hurt 3) Introspection 4) Sympathy for others 5) Thinking she’s a dirty, dirty whore 6) Masturbating alone
Thank you, readers of yongfook.com, for getting me through this.
6) Masturbating alone 7) Masturbating alone 8) Masturbating alone 9) Masturbating alone 10) Masturbating alone 11) Masturbating alone … 23) Profit.
24) Count Money 25) Two chicks at the same time, dude.
Ah heck, I’ll join in. A friend of mine met this chick at a party, got her number and asked her out a few days later. He picked her up, took her out for the standard nice dinner movie thing, then drove her home. On the way back, she kept expressing how great the evening was. When he got to her place, he leaned over and she looked at him with a big smile and said, “I had such a great time tonight, you’re a great guy. You should meet my boyfriend, he’s a really nice guy too, you both could be friends!” Then she opened the car door, got out and went home. Ouch. But think about it, what if this was the cold reality, that these girls aren’t really cheating on us, they’re actually out looking for new friends for us?
two chicks at a time? why piss off two girls when u cant even satisfy one i alw say… :P
26)im having a three chicks party soonest as we can loop in a dude who’s willing 27)count used condoms
28) sire an army of illegitimate children 29) bend them to your will
I just noticed an awfully familiar picture heading the personals section of Yahoo Taiwan: http://tw.yahoo.com/ I understand the dating scene in Tokyo can be tough, but isn’t Taiwan a little far?
PS, inviting guys around when your boyfriend is away? Not cool. Although cheating is not the only motive– having guys around all the time can be a huge ego boost. And a woman who constantly needs that kind of attention is just as much trouble as a woman who cheats, in my opinion.
Amy > is my pic on there or something? Care to provide a direct link? My Chinese extends to ordering dim sum and rudimentary swearing.
I’m an insercure & possesive bitch too, and it does not help that i’m in a long distance relationship.
Anyway, your then gf had a friend of the opposite sex over at her place when you are not around. Knowing that you felt jealous/ uncomfortable, she still had him over because she feels its fine/ nothing you should be worried about?
My take on this is, it does not neccessarily means she does not love you alot. I totally understand how you must have felt then and i have the same issues you have with your exgf. (Yes, the Does He Really Love Me if… question crossed my mind a million times).
No one can really answer your question, because so what if anyone else thinks that having male friends over is no big deal, or that you should be more trusting? In the end it still boils down to how you feel about it, they are not the ones in you relationship. I really do not get it why my bf has to do certain things, knowing it will make me feel jealous or hurt (I told him nicely in his face not to). This, i really need some enlightenment. For me, i felt that my bf was just too selfish/ self centred/ ego/ insensitive… or maybe he doesn’t love me as much as i thought he did.
She can control her actions, not having the guy over wouldn’t kill or hurt her right? But you on the other hand, cannot control your feelings of being jealous/ uncomfortable. (Well, you can tell her its ok, you don’t mind and lie about trusting her and all but then you will be lying to yourself and driving yourself nuts. I know, trust me.)
You can over the course of time, TRY to learn to trust, and be more open about such things. But then again, even for me, it has been two years and i still mind about such things. I cannot explain why i behave in this manner, and i do trust the bf, but its more of just how i am, a really insercure person (Not an excuse. Its not like i want to be this paranoid freak and feel jealous at stupid things). So since you cannot accept her having guys at her place, (or tried accepting but still can’t) then she has to make some sacrifices (and not having guys at her place SHOULDN’T be a sacrifice to her), and yes learn to take the rough and the smooth.
Well, this is just my two cents worth. The way i see it, it’s really sweet that you felt jealous about her having guys over, she should be seeing it as you wanting her to yourself so badly/ afraid she will leave you etc.
Give the lady some time to WAKE UP!
I never stopped trying to explain to my bf how i felt about the things i dislike (time and time he does things to hurt me because he thinks im just being difficult unreasonable/ he felt it was alright) and finally he sees that its because i care and love him too much. AT LAST! It took 1 year of many breakups, a million quarrels, fustration, hurt, insults, my blood level rose drastically (i can practically feel it), my vulgarity vocab increased, stress thermometer bursting…. But it was all well worth it. No one is perfectly meant for each other, there must be at least one thing that drives the other nuts. And if she/ you cannot make compromises/ small sacrifices etc , then how do you expect it to work?
Unless she don’t love you anymore, tell her how you felt and why you felt it if you still love her/ want her back. Otherwise, fret not, there’s a long line of girls who will happily eat you up! You’re yummy!
Actually, it was a direct link- your face was right up on the top page of Yahoo Taiwan. Check near the bottom of the page, in the 戀愛關係 category. My Chinese isn’t great either, but damn it I know a dating site when I see one.
The picture was closely cropped from the photo in your recent “Unemployed” post. It’s gone now, replaced by a pretty girl’s face, but maybe they’ll bring it back. Hell, your handsome mug probably got a record number of hits, so they’d be fools not to.
So you didn’t know about this? If I had known the picture was used without your permission, I would have captured the screen…
I seriously had no idea. Very weird.
dude, she was sooooooooooo DOING IT with those guys. always go with your gut instinct.
congrats reinstated. you are doing well. wasnt trying to mean you should live on the streets. moi is a little stoopid. of course you need the capital. me is still hoping that jkp goes skyhigh. lots of love.
I think it’s the best that your relationship w your GF ended…whether she loved you or not. It is such a HELL to be stuck w someone whose belief and morals are different. People’s thoughts/core will not change, or he/she will pretend to be someone who she/he is not=”cheating.”
I really resent being in this permanent stuck thing with a guy who is TOTALLY different, FIRE and WATER. I wish I could go far away, maybe I will.
The Answer to Everything.. is, 42.
And Option c) prevention is better than cure - solve possessiveness/insecurity issues first.
Yongfook, Yongfook, the secret to women is to: $%@$#%@%@#^@^. Got it? Anyhow, there is a reason masturbation was invented.
dude.. you really opened up a can of worms with this one..
i say it’s only ok if she tells you about these “meetings” ahead of time.. and you should be allowed to drop by anytime.. if she refuses, she’s got something to hide.. and that means your instincts were right all along…
it’s damn near impossible to trust someone unconditionally.. being a guy, you know damn well how most guys are just dogs.. after a few drinks, under the right conditions, if she happens to drop her guard for five minutes, anything can happen.. even if it’s not her fault..
yea, yea.. i know what you’re thinking.. but who’s got the time to baby sit their girlfriend 24/7? well, you’re a smart guy.. pull some resources together.. get someone you can trust to be the inside man in these “meetings”.. aren’t you’re a tech guy? plant one of them pin hole cameras at her place or sumthin.. you’ll figure it out…
Put a camera in the toilet. Looking up, out of the bowl.
(Only for later blackmail purposes, mind.)
This guy posts like you do:
http://www.neopoleon.com/home/blogs/neo/archive/2007/01/23/24180.aspx
Sue him.
sporadically?
No, it’s not okay.
Women don’t understand that men are incapable of having a truly platonic relationship with a woman. If a man is hanging out with a woman - no matter how much he may simply enjoy her company - there is ALWAYS some degree of hope that he will be getting some from her.
I know women want to believe this isn’t the case, and that it’s horrifying to them that we haven’t evolved beyond our true neanderthal state… but, that’s just the way it is. If a guy tells you that’s the case, then he’s lying to you (and perhaps to himself) - because he thinks he’ll be able to get some from you.
And, this is why guys feel jealous when another man is hanging around with their girlfriend or wife. On some level, all guys know this is true.
I stumbled on to your blog through the OfRiceandZen podcast, and I just wanted to leave a comment. I read through all the old posts and podcasts/videos and they are great! You are absolutely hilarious. I am totally looking forward to the new food blog, if I could make a suggestion I would ask that instead of just doing food reviews you could also talk about cooking and maybe the Japanese diet in general. You seem to be quite the chef judging from your Flickr stream.
Jonkenpon is looking great too, I have been fooling around with the 8app beta Orchestra and its been pretty nice. Keep up the good work.
Right…
Ya know what’s most sad? That a person like you can fall for a girl like that. Talk ’bout intelligence without wisdom.
Besides, ya should get over it. You’re just weak if a girl can take ya down like that, she wins, you lose. In fact, well, more girls will like ya like that anywayz. More fuckfest? ;)
Women are perfectly capable of having long-term platonic relationships with men. I’ve had one with my husband for years now.
Strange as it may seem (me being 47 and from the middle of the U.S.) I enjoy the blog. Cheers!
Dude, I’m going through the same thing, girls is perfect, but we drive each other nuts for something as stupid as not picking up my phone while I’m in the shower. BTW platonic in womens terms means, have sex without BF knowing :P
Eh. If you’re in a relationship where you feel you have to set up preventive measures like “don’t be alone in a room with another guy!” there’s something wrong with the relationship itself, or with your self-esteem. If she really wants to start an affair, she’ll do it with or without your precautions. When you meet someone you REALLY connect with, you don’t have to worry about being cheated on, no matter what hidden agenda her platonic guy friends might have. If they hit on her, she’ll be mad at them for screwing up the friendship.
Caveat: Some women are unreliable bitches. But some men are domineering assholes. Try not be either one.
She is playing you like a fiddle.And you if you beleive that she brings these men around to discuss sushi with them.Then you are the wanker that that i thought you were.
Hmm. I would have just told her I wasn’t comfortable with that. i would have said Darling I love you and I wish there was a way that this didn’t sound possessive but it makes me uncomfortable that you have guys over here alone with you. I know you have guy friends but to me it’s a respect issue. i’m not going to have my women friends over when you are not here, out of respect for you and I really would like if you can compromise and give me this. I need this from you. What do you think. Then if she makes a fuss…You have to make a decision as to whether you can deal with that or no. let her know you can’t deal (because its a dealbreaker). Tell her it will make you hearthbroken to have to break up but you are sorry, that is something that will always be a source of contention. :(
Hi,don’t take any notice of this new age sensitive guy,touchy feely BS.You are not that naive now,or are you?. Either she is with you,if not,then tell her to take a hike. Hopefully you have cojones.